Remembering The Past-Looking To The Future
Testimonies
On October 11, 2005 she was murdered. The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the abdomen. Two weeks later her stepfather was arrested on first degee murder. Her mother was later charged with two felonies of Child Abuse and Enabling Child Abuse. In April 2006 Kelsey's body was exhumed for a second autopsy where sexual abuse was documented. The stepfather's charges were amended to add the sexual abuse.
On February 2, 2007 a plea negotiation was entered and approved by the paternal family. The stepfather plead guilty to a reduced charge of Enabling Child Abuse and received 30 years in prison. He has no possibility of parole for 25.5 years.
The mother was found guilty of Enabling Child Abuse and sentenced to 27 years in prison. She is asking for a new trial. Trial notes for Raye Dawn's trial are available on kelseyspurpose. org
A new law has been named for Kelsey in Oklahoma to prevent this type of failure in our state system.
For more on Kelsey's story go to: www.kelseyspurpose.org
Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
"I Did it Afraid, and Am Now Healed" by Ashley
It was National Crime Victims Week, and this is Ashley's story. What if it was you? Your sister? Or Mother? Would you know? Do you know? Even if it is not, it clearly is time to take action against this type of evil behavior, and to protect those in need, before, during and after violence strikes. Don't think it's not your problem. That's what the "terrorists" want. If this story can help anyone you know, pass it on.
Ashley's Story
***********
I hid out for the first six years, then I began speaking out, when your partner is "the law" it's a lot harder escaping the hell you call home.
My goal for this year is to make awareness of Domestic Violence (DV) widely known, point those in need to the help available, & to eventually eradicate DV.
Some things to consider:
When is it okay to be hit & cursed at by your ________________? (Fill in the blank here> Spouse>Partner> Boy Friend> Friend?)
When I :
(A) Don't have the house cleaned.
(B) Don't have dinner ready!
(C) Don't have everything perfect!
(D) I've done something he doesn't like.
If any of you answered any of the letters, you got it wrong. The CORRECT ANSWER Is NEVER. IT is NEVER okay!
DUCKS
Have you ever felt like you lived in a box? Everything is okay as long as ALL your ducks were in a row-BUT if a duck was missing, or you weren't sure you did everything you were supposed to do before he got home? You're racing around desperately trying to find the missing duck before he gets home.
Rushing everywhere to get back in time.
- Will he be in a good mood? (Duck #1)
- Did he have a good day @ work today? (Duck#2)
- Did he stop for a drink or 2, or 3? & Is he drunk? (Ducks#3&4)
- Did he lose his job again? (Last Duck)
WORDS
Have you ever SAID these words?
1. What did I do wrong?
2. How can I fix it?
3. I didn't talk to that man!
4. I didn't look at that man!
5. I don't want anyone else!
6. You are all I ever want!
7. I Love you; You're all I want, I Promise!
OR
8. "Please don't hurt me!"
9. "Please don't say that to me!"
10. "Please don't talk to me like that!"
11. "Please don't kick me!"
12. "Please don't do that again!"
13. "Please don't leave me, I'll be the way you want me to be, I'll do what you want me to do, just Please don't hurt me anymore!"
Has this ever been you? It's been me. I've been in your shoes I KNOW what you are going through, what you have gone through… You could say I have my MASTER'S DEGREE IN THAT KIND OF PAIN, HUMILIATION & PLAIN OLD FEAR!"
The SIGNS
Warning signs, which I only knew too well. Why shouldn't I? I was the peacemaker in my family; the oldest of five, my Mom always told me to keep the peace at all costs & I had even been a volunteer Crisis Counselor for a local shelter; It was my job to be the person who could fix everything; Regardless of the pain, humiliation or anything I went through making the "peace" happen including saying It was my fault even when it wasn't. . I COULD "FIX" EVERYTHING. Except my own life. I stayed too long. WAY PAST ALL THE SIGNS…. & I got to witness & watch my own execution style hit.
I'm here to tell you what happened & How I struggled to survive so I could make a difference for FUTURE SURVIVORS of Violent crimes related to Domestic Violence. If this story of Survival can help just one of you take the IMPORTANT STEP wouldn't that be awesome?
I pulled into my drive way after a long day at work & as I was getting out my car. I felt the first blow to the back of my head. I came to, as I was being dragged in my driveway. It was all like a slow motion horror movie. I could see the people & what they were doing, but I was unable to stop it. I watched them basically stage the crime that was planned so well. I saw my shoe being taken off & hung on the fence. I saw everything & when they came back towards me, I remember thinking, I hadn't told my parents' how much I loved them & now they would never know… That's the last thing I remember. I woke up in a hospital three months later.
I knew without a doubt that my husband had planned the whole thing right down to the last detail. I couldn't prove it, because he was good at what he did. He had basically been training all his adult life. He was the law.
I immediately knew I had to get out> I put my safety plan into action!
THE SAFETY PLAN
1. Have a separate Checking & or savings account that no one but you & the bank knows about.
2. Establish Code Words with a trusted friend. Let me explain. Your trusted friend calls you & things are not fine. You have some sentences to say to them that your attacker is NOT AWARE of! This can be the difference between LIFE & DEATH. Mine was: "I'm cleaning out the refrigerator!" Others could be I'm fixing a Turkey sandwich; I'm changing my socks. The purple ones? Your friend asks, you answer "yes". Your friend is able to get Law Enforcement over to your place!
3. Leave a PAPER TRAIL
4. Establish a safe place that NO ONE knows about where you can go.
5. Don't keep the same magazines. Forward them to NURSING HOMES all over the STATE
6. Close your VIDEO Accounts. Don't ever transfer these accounts, because you can be found this way.
7. Never order home delivery for food or anything because your name & # will be in someone's database; All your husband has to do is go to the town where he thinks you are & go into all take out & delivery places & show them your picture He can say anything he wants to find you.
8. NEVER LEAVE A FORWARDING ADDRESS!
WHEN TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
A Gun in your mouth? A Gun @ your throat! A Gun against your head is never a joke. YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER. YES YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS STATED UNTIL DEATH DO US PART, BUT IT'S NOT THEIR PLACE TO "DO US PART" It's time to GET OUT!
This is what I DID:
I left my family, including my teenage daughter behind. Went to a State that had a town not on the internet yet, had my name legally changed & found out that a program exists that gives survivors of D V & Violent Crimes New identities, and while doing this I discovered I was pregnant. Not ever wanting to know anything about the crime that was planned to end my life, I took this as a GIFT From God. When he was born & looked just like me I got my confirmation.
During the name change, the Judge involved with my case called me back into her chambers & congratulated me for being so brave. She decided to always allow survivors to use their initials when changing their names & to seal the cases so no one could find them. I certainly didn't feel brave then, but I do now! I am so grateful & honored to have been asked to share my story at all the vigils for the Prevention of Domestic Violence & to be able to make a difference in the lives of future survivors of Domestic violence by talking. Please don't let ANYONE hurt you verbally, emotionally or physically! If it feels wrong it probably is.
Was what I did easy? NO! I Couldn't take my daughter, my college education, my degrees, my work history, I couldn't even take my Blockbuster video account with me. I COULD NEVER GO HOME AGAIN. No weddings, No parties, no going home for the Holidays, no funerals, no birthdays, No high school reunions. Not even my own daughter's graduation & future wedding: NOTHING that linked me to my family or my past!
I had been told in the hospital I couldn't get a new identity or even think about it, because of his Job. It would never benefit. He would always find me, & before I left town, he did. He'd find me through my credit cards, VIN number, phone records He would always know where I was even when I rented a car, he informed me he knew which card I had used to rent the car, what kind it was, what hotel I was at & the spot where the car was parked! I would come home & drawers would be left open, pictures rearranged on my walls, but the doors would always remain locked. It was as if I was CRAZY to think anything was different.
Any one that helped me had this happen to them too!
He let me know that when I was in the coma on life support, I had been finger printed so that I could NEVER work in my profession or go anywhere without him finding me & or knowing where I was. He said it didn't matter where I went he would always be there. This affected even my parents. When my Mom got sick, I knew it was time to take the drastic step that would change my life, as I knew it FOREVER. That is when I put my Survival Plan into action! That was the day I lost my identity, as I knew it… That was the day I died!
It took me four years not to turn when someone called my BIRTH Name! It took me longer not to duck & block my face when anyone reached their arm or hand above my head, which is embarrassing, but a FIGHT OR FLIGHT reflex. I have had to move over 50 times since 2000. In my state, the whole town is covering up. I had to walk away from my married daughter, (I don't get to see her or have a life with her, for her safety & well being) I also have a teen daughter & son. I have a birthday this week & it sickens me to realize that my children have not been able to see their mother much less talk to her all because someone would rather have gotten away with murder then simply granted a divorce!!!???
I am currently in the ADDRESS CONFIDENTIALITY PROGRAM. Nineteen states have statutes authorizing address confidentiality programs. These programs are solely for Survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault. The state entity running the program assigns a "dummy" address or an address at the state office. The entity then forwards my mail to the location of my choice. Most states with address confidentiality programs have created procedures to address court summonses, service of process, and other official mail. They also have provisions for confidentiality of the information, including voter registration. In most states, you can even vote by absentee ballot. Addresses are exempt from publication with state voter registry records.
I want everyone to know there is help available out there. The programs that helped me can help you. The local shelters have trained people there. Law Enforcement is trained to help you. There is HELP. I know that I know that I know if it hadn't been for the Grace of God I would be dead now, & no one would EVER have found me.
So, THE FIRST TIME YOU GET HIT, PUNCHED, KICKED, VERBALLY ABUSED, BITTEN, BEATEN, SLAPPED OR SHOVED SHOULD BE THE LAST TIME. IF YOU ARE AFRAID????? JOIN THE CROWD. DO IT AFRAID! DO IT FOR OTHERS, DO IT FOR YOURSELF! ACT AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, BECAUSE IT DOES!
My prayers are for all of the survivors present, for the loved ones who have lost people to this crime, & to all the Law Enforcement Officers who deal with this day in & day out Consistently putting their lives in danger. Thank you!
By the way, once the fear has subsided & you are not looking over your shoulder as much anymore, There IS a feeling of NO FEAR. Not having to rush home & make sure everything is perfect. Is a great feeling & to all you Future Survivors, I pray for your safety & Courage each & every day.
Thank You
Ashley
Resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
- National Address Confidentiality Program States & Info: http://www. ncsl. org/programs/cyf/dvsurvive. htm (For more information on domestic violence issues, please contact Stephanie Walton in the Denver office at 303.364.7700 or cyf-info@ncsl.org or either Sheri Steisel or Lee Posey in the D.C. office at 202.624.5400 or fedhumserv-info@ncsl.org)
- The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (Will automatically transfer you to the rape crisis center nearest you, anywhere in the nation. It can be used as a last resort if people cannot find a domestic violence shelter.)
- U.S. Department of Justice Violence Against Women Office: http://www. usdoj. gov/ovw/
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Phone: 202-745-1211, TTY - (202) 745-2042, http://www. ncadv. org/
- Safe Horizon: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673), http://www. safehorizon. org/
- Faith Trust Institute: 206-634-1903, http://www. faithtrustinstitute. org/
- National Network to End Domestic Violence: Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY), http://www. nnedv. org/
- Domestic Violence Resources: http://www. dvresources. org/
This information is brought to you by Get 2 the Truth! http:// http://www.myspace.com/get2thetruth
It was National Crime Victims Week, and this is Ashley's story. What if it was you? Your sister? Or Mother? Would you know? Do you know? Even if it is not, it clearly is time to take action against this type of evil behavior, and to protect those in need, before, during and after violence strikes. Don't think it's not your problem. That's what the "terrorists" want. If this story can help anyone you know, pass it on.
Ashley's Story
***********
I hid out for the first six years, then I began speaking out, when your partner is "the law" it's a lot harder escaping the hell you call home.
My goal for this year is to make awareness of Domestic Violence (DV) widely known, point those in need to the help available, & to eventually eradicate DV.
Some things to consider:
When is it okay to be hit & cursed at by your ________________? (Fill in the blank here> Spouse>Partner> Boy Friend> Friend?)
When I :
(A) Don't have the house cleaned.
(B) Don't have dinner ready!
(C) Don't have everything perfect!
(D) I've done something he doesn't like.
If any of you answered any of the letters, you got it wrong. The CORRECT ANSWER Is NEVER. IT is NEVER okay!
DUCKS
Have you ever felt like you lived in a box? Everything is okay as long as ALL your ducks were in a row-BUT if a duck was missing, or you weren't sure you did everything you were supposed to do before he got home? You're racing around desperately trying to find the missing duck before he gets home.
Rushing everywhere to get back in time.
- Will he be in a good mood? (Duck #1)
- Did he have a good day @ work today? (Duck#2)
- Did he stop for a drink or 2, or 3? & Is he drunk? (Ducks#3&4)
- Did he lose his job again? (Last Duck)
WORDS
Have you ever SAID these words?
1. What did I do wrong?
2. How can I fix it?
3. I didn't talk to that man!
4. I didn't look at that man!
5. I don't want anyone else!
6. You are all I ever want!
7. I Love you; You're all I want, I Promise!
OR
8. "Please don't hurt me!"
9. "Please don't say that to me!"
10. "Please don't talk to me like that!"
11. "Please don't kick me!"
12. "Please don't do that again!"
13. "Please don't leave me, I'll be the way you want me to be, I'll do what you want me to do, just Please don't hurt me anymore!"
Has this ever been you? It's been me. I've been in your shoes I KNOW what you are going through, what you have gone through… You could say I have my MASTER'S DEGREE IN THAT KIND OF PAIN, HUMILIATION & PLAIN OLD FEAR!"
The SIGNS
Warning signs, which I only knew too well. Why shouldn't I? I was the peacemaker in my family; the oldest of five, my Mom always told me to keep the peace at all costs & I had even been a volunteer Crisis Counselor for a local shelter; It was my job to be the person who could fix everything; Regardless of the pain, humiliation or anything I went through making the "peace" happen including saying It was my fault even when it wasn't. . I COULD "FIX" EVERYTHING. Except my own life. I stayed too long. WAY PAST ALL THE SIGNS…. & I got to witness & watch my own execution style hit.
I'm here to tell you what happened & How I struggled to survive so I could make a difference for FUTURE SURVIVORS of Violent crimes related to Domestic Violence. If this story of Survival can help just one of you take the IMPORTANT STEP wouldn't that be awesome?
I pulled into my drive way after a long day at work & as I was getting out my car. I felt the first blow to the back of my head. I came to, as I was being dragged in my driveway. It was all like a slow motion horror movie. I could see the people & what they were doing, but I was unable to stop it. I watched them basically stage the crime that was planned so well. I saw my shoe being taken off & hung on the fence. I saw everything & when they came back towards me, I remember thinking, I hadn't told my parents' how much I loved them & now they would never know… That's the last thing I remember. I woke up in a hospital three months later.
I knew without a doubt that my husband had planned the whole thing right down to the last detail. I couldn't prove it, because he was good at what he did. He had basically been training all his adult life. He was the law.
I immediately knew I had to get out> I put my safety plan into action!
THE SAFETY PLAN
1. Have a separate Checking & or savings account that no one but you & the bank knows about.
2. Establish Code Words with a trusted friend. Let me explain. Your trusted friend calls you & things are not fine. You have some sentences to say to them that your attacker is NOT AWARE of! This can be the difference between LIFE & DEATH. Mine was: "I'm cleaning out the refrigerator!" Others could be I'm fixing a Turkey sandwich; I'm changing my socks. The purple ones? Your friend asks, you answer "yes". Your friend is able to get Law Enforcement over to your place!
3. Leave a PAPER TRAIL
4. Establish a safe place that NO ONE knows about where you can go.
5. Don't keep the same magazines. Forward them to NURSING HOMES all over the STATE
6. Close your VIDEO Accounts. Don't ever transfer these accounts, because you can be found this way.
7. Never order home delivery for food or anything because your name & # will be in someone's database; All your husband has to do is go to the town where he thinks you are & go into all take out & delivery places & show them your picture He can say anything he wants to find you.
8. NEVER LEAVE A FORWARDING ADDRESS!
WHEN TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
A Gun in your mouth? A Gun @ your throat! A Gun against your head is never a joke. YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER. YES YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS STATED UNTIL DEATH DO US PART, BUT IT'S NOT THEIR PLACE TO "DO US PART" It's time to GET OUT!
This is what I DID:
I left my family, including my teenage daughter behind. Went to a State that had a town not on the internet yet, had my name legally changed & found out that a program exists that gives survivors of D V & Violent Crimes New identities, and while doing this I discovered I was pregnant. Not ever wanting to know anything about the crime that was planned to end my life, I took this as a GIFT From God. When he was born & looked just like me I got my confirmation.
During the name change, the Judge involved with my case called me back into her chambers & congratulated me for being so brave. She decided to always allow survivors to use their initials when changing their names & to seal the cases so no one could find them. I certainly didn't feel brave then, but I do now! I am so grateful & honored to have been asked to share my story at all the vigils for the Prevention of Domestic Violence & to be able to make a difference in the lives of future survivors of Domestic violence by talking. Please don't let ANYONE hurt you verbally, emotionally or physically! If it feels wrong it probably is.
Was what I did easy? NO! I Couldn't take my daughter, my college education, my degrees, my work history, I couldn't even take my Blockbuster video account with me. I COULD NEVER GO HOME AGAIN. No weddings, No parties, no going home for the Holidays, no funerals, no birthdays, No high school reunions. Not even my own daughter's graduation & future wedding: NOTHING that linked me to my family or my past!
I had been told in the hospital I couldn't get a new identity or even think about it, because of his Job. It would never benefit. He would always find me, & before I left town, he did. He'd find me through my credit cards, VIN number, phone records He would always know where I was even when I rented a car, he informed me he knew which card I had used to rent the car, what kind it was, what hotel I was at & the spot where the car was parked! I would come home & drawers would be left open, pictures rearranged on my walls, but the doors would always remain locked. It was as if I was CRAZY to think anything was different.
Any one that helped me had this happen to them too!
He let me know that when I was in the coma on life support, I had been finger printed so that I could NEVER work in my profession or go anywhere without him finding me & or knowing where I was. He said it didn't matter where I went he would always be there. This affected even my parents. When my Mom got sick, I knew it was time to take the drastic step that would change my life, as I knew it FOREVER. That is when I put my Survival Plan into action! That was the day I lost my identity, as I knew it… That was the day I died!
It took me four years not to turn when someone called my BIRTH Name! It took me longer not to duck & block my face when anyone reached their arm or hand above my head, which is embarrassing, but a FIGHT OR FLIGHT reflex. I have had to move over 50 times since 2000. In my state, the whole town is covering up. I had to walk away from my married daughter, (I don't get to see her or have a life with her, for her safety & well being) I also have a teen daughter & son. I have a birthday this week & it sickens me to realize that my children have not been able to see their mother much less talk to her all because someone would rather have gotten away with murder then simply granted a divorce!!!???
I am currently in the ADDRESS CONFIDENTIALITY PROGRAM. Nineteen states have statutes authorizing address confidentiality programs. These programs are solely for Survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault. The state entity running the program assigns a "dummy" address or an address at the state office. The entity then forwards my mail to the location of my choice. Most states with address confidentiality programs have created procedures to address court summonses, service of process, and other official mail. They also have provisions for confidentiality of the information, including voter registration. In most states, you can even vote by absentee ballot. Addresses are exempt from publication with state voter registry records.
I want everyone to know there is help available out there. The programs that helped me can help you. The local shelters have trained people there. Law Enforcement is trained to help you. There is HELP. I know that I know that I know if it hadn't been for the Grace of God I would be dead now, & no one would EVER have found me.
So, THE FIRST TIME YOU GET HIT, PUNCHED, KICKED, VERBALLY ABUSED, BITTEN, BEATEN, SLAPPED OR SHOVED SHOULD BE THE LAST TIME. IF YOU ARE AFRAID????? JOIN THE CROWD. DO IT AFRAID! DO IT FOR OTHERS, DO IT FOR YOURSELF! ACT AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, BECAUSE IT DOES!
My prayers are for all of the survivors present, for the loved ones who have lost people to this crime, & to all the Law Enforcement Officers who deal with this day in & day out Consistently putting their lives in danger. Thank you!
By the way, once the fear has subsided & you are not looking over your shoulder as much anymore, There IS a feeling of NO FEAR. Not having to rush home & make sure everything is perfect. Is a great feeling & to all you Future Survivors, I pray for your safety & Courage each & every day.
Thank You
Ashley
Resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
- National Address Confidentiality Program States & Info: http://www. ncsl. org/programs/cyf/dvsurvive. htm (For more information on domestic violence issues, please contact Stephanie Walton in the Denver office at 303.364.7700 or cyf-info@ncsl.org or either Sheri Steisel or Lee Posey in the D.C. office at 202.624.5400 or fedhumserv-info@ncsl.org)
- The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (Will automatically transfer you to the rape crisis center nearest you, anywhere in the nation. It can be used as a last resort if people cannot find a domestic violence shelter.)
- U.S. Department of Justice Violence Against Women Office: http://www. usdoj. gov/ovw/
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Phone: 202-745-1211, TTY - (202) 745-2042, http://www. ncadv. org/
- Safe Horizon: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673), http://www. safehorizon. org/
- Faith Trust Institute: 206-634-1903, http://www. faithtrustinstitute. org/
- National Network to End Domestic Violence: Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY), http://www. nnedv. org/
- Domestic Violence Resources: http://www. dvresources. org/
This information is brought to you by Get 2 the Truth! http:// http://www.myspace.com/get2thetruth
The Fairytail
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful little girl
that was very much loved & expected by two wonderful & gifted
parents. The Mommy could not wait to see her little girl because she would love her & play with her every day.
The Daddy could not wait to be his little girl's Prince>
Her knight in shining armor & be named by his daughter Daddy's girl...
Then reality stepped in... & the little girl not only had a rude awakening but in all reality… No childhood at all!
The little girl's first memory was of screaming, darkness & biting on drinking glasses until they broke... in her mouth... she later found out while training as a crisis counselor that in rare extreme cases when a child is so traumatized, they do that so as to relieve the violence they witness around them in the only way they know possible...
Only God knows what she was seeing!
She never knew why Daddy hit her the first time, because she was in the living room reading the comics on a Sunday morning her bottom in the air while lying on the floor, she heard her daddy walk up behind her & didn't know why until he started beating her bum with a riding crop (which is what she found out way later, she just assumed it was a sharp belt......& to this day she still wont read the Sunday morning paper comics).
The first time she got punched in the jaw was because she had set the table wrong, you see the blade is supposed to face the plate not the other way around, she never made that mistake again.
If a quarter did not bounce on the sheets of a made bed it was not made right & would need to be made again & again until it would.
All the rest of the beatings she received she never really knew Why she was getting them.
She didn't know when the sexual abuse started because she assumed all daddy's slept in bed with their daughters. She never knew any other way.
She just knew She was the oldest & she never as the big sister would allow what was happening to her happen to them>
When she was first married Her dad visited & brought along her younger sister.
He brought them both to the Colonel's quarters at the army base where he was stationed & that night while her sister & her slept, he came into their room ,climbed into her bed & knowing that she would never allow her little sister to see what he did with her, he had sex with her. He had used her trusting big sister instincts to use her once again in a way he should only have done with his wife.
Later when she found out she was pregnant, during the whole pregnancy she had no idea who's baby she was carrying… Her father's or her husband's.
She still doesn't!.
During one beating, her dad broke down her apartment door & began punching her, each time she fell down, he pulled her back up by her long hair, until finally he left her on the floor….. & kicked her in the face.
She had just moved back from North Carolina & during her stay there, had helped the crisis center where she worked as a volunteer Crisis Counselor put on an ABC Special on the signs to look for in a child who has been sexually abused at home & tips to avoid Date Rape!
That was the first time that she was visited in the middle of the night by Police officers telling her someone had seen the show, called up threatening to kill her if she continued with the show & she was put under ground for the first of many times until she got her new identity.
SO here she was back in her home town & here was her dad beating the crap out of her in front of her four year old child who was begging: she was BEGGING GRANDPA to stop hurting her Mommy; &... when she fell to the floor; for the last time… he kicked her.
She doesn't remember her daughter cradling her head in her lap, she doesn't remember how anyone got there to take them to the hospital, but…she does remember the Doctor jokingly telling her that if she was planning on playing football, to use a ball & not her face.
When she told this doctor that she had not planned on her dad kicking her in the face, he was embarrassed & asked who it was. She bravely told him, but… because her dad was famous in that town, he did not believe her & had the audacity to ask her what she had done to deserve such correction…
She NEVER told anyone anything…ever again!
She knew then; that the word "Family" meant pain... & She vowed NEVER to be part of anyone's FAMILY ever again… ...
She began making up fairy tales of how everything was going in her life…. To help her get through each day.
In 1998, She was raped by a stranger three days after giving her life to Jesus,
She remembers her mom saying that she must have been God's reject because if she had not been a reject He would not have allowed her to be raped by a stranger who had drugged her with an odorless drug.
The case took years to get to court & right before going in… the Victim advocate told her that all she had to do was tell her side of the story & the rapist would get X amt of years in jail, only in the state she lived in, The rapist can get off on a technicality & he did.
She could have lived with that, it's what this Judicial Judge did next, that changed her life as she knew it…FOREVER….. He walked over to the rapist & put his right hand on the rapist's left shoulder congratulating him for winning his case in his court room . … To say she was floored is putting it mildly…
Seven months later her husband told her she should report this Judge to the Governor of the State they lived in & then two days after she did, she was attacked... & left for dead in her drive way... She had discovered that she was their scape goat,
She knew too much being the wife of a dirty law Enforcement officer> She was a liability… but… AS it was….. He never counted on her relationship with God.
He never knew she would call out to Him & that God would save her.
SO you see, she is an incest survivor, She was the youngest one in her class the only question she asked the counselor was why she was the youngest one there, & she said God must have special plans for you my dear, She did not feel special then, but She now realized God did>
She was His Personal Social Worker.
She has always & will always be watching over the Underdog, so to speak.
She fully believes in Paying forward & helping out even when she only has a little.
She feels her Time is the most valuable gift she can give….
SO each & every lap wrap she makes, She makes with love for the survivor who will be receiving it.
She feels that when she is out in the world God will let her know who needs prayers & so on...
She keeps her ears open for that still small voice... & She does as He asks...
Which incidentally is how she finds each & every person who needs to hear her story of survival.
She has a theory that God puts them in her path for a reason..
She totally believes in that.
Well, Now you all know, I am an incest survivor, a child sexual abuse survivor, a survivor of rape, domestic violence & homicide.
I know you may be thinking...How can she be a survivor of Homicide when she is still here writing this story...Well you see the little girl that was born to these parents NO LONGER exists...so...I AM a survivor of HOMICIDE! I Died that day...
The fairy tale is what I PRETENDED was going on in our family ,because it was the only way I could SURVIVE MY CHILDHOOD..
I have forgiven both of my parents & I have forgiven all the men who have hurt me in my life…, it is between them & God>
My Prayers are for all of you hurting people out there & for your recovery that is right around the corner...
Bye now & be safe...
Signed by a Survivor
Ashley
